Has anyone else noticed that dancing at the club has been less and less discrete about it's intent? And if you aren't familiar with the intent of dancing at the club...well, what rock have you been hiding under? For those club virgins, the intent is shhhhh....SEX! So normally they say you can tell how good the guy or girl is in my bed by the way they move on the floor. This is both true and untrue I have discovered. Some guys will seriously rock your world on the dance floor and make you beg for a back closet, but in bed...well leaves a lot to be desired. (So fellas who don't dance...have no fear of not being able to find a natural rhythm in the bedroom...the myth fails on this one.)
However...I'm beginning to think the originality of dancing on the floor has ceased to exist. For the most part of my life I've been surrounded by some pretty amazing dancers and I hope that I've learned from osmosis from a few of these people. I find that I do have fairly decent rhythm for a white girl, and my Jamaica friends claim they haven't seen a white girl with sicker moves than I, so I hold that as a fairly large compliment, though I know some of you are haters and would disagree. Either way, I feel ok holding my own on the dance floor.
As many people who know me there are two things that bother me more than anything at the club, 1) Side dancers. These are those dudes who are not quite sure what's really going on, so they come up to your side and for some odd reason start grinding up on your left or right thigh. Fellas...this is not attractive, nor is it very nice. 2) The only from behind dancer. If you are one of those guys that only creeps up to an unsuspecting girl and only dance up on her ass I'm going to think one of two things about you. One, you are ugly and don't want me to turn around and see your mug. Or two, you have no idea how to dance, so you want me to do all the work while you just rock back and forth. Neither option is worth my time or energy, except to embarrass you.
However...I'm beginning to think the originality of dancing on the floor has ceased to exist. For the most part of my life I've been surrounded by some pretty amazing dancers and I hope that I've learned from osmosis from a few of these people. I find that I do have fairly decent rhythm for a white girl, and my Jamaica friends claim they haven't seen a white girl with sicker moves than I, so I hold that as a fairly large compliment, though I know some of you are haters and would disagree. Either way, I feel ok holding my own on the dance floor.
As many people who know me there are two things that bother me more than anything at the club, 1) Side dancers. These are those dudes who are not quite sure what's really going on, so they come up to your side and for some odd reason start grinding up on your left or right thigh. Fellas...this is not attractive, nor is it very nice. 2) The only from behind dancer. If you are one of those guys that only creeps up to an unsuspecting girl and only dance up on her ass I'm going to think one of two things about you. One, you are ugly and don't want me to turn around and see your mug. Or two, you have no idea how to dance, so you want me to do all the work while you just rock back and forth. Neither option is worth my time or energy, except to embarrass you.
So the other night I got caught up in only from behind dancer. It was near closing time, my legs were hurting and I honestly was thankful just to have someone to lean into so the weight was no longer on my high heeled boots. Sorry random guy, that WAS your purpose. So we're dancing, I'm shaking my hips, not really feeling it, but more so playing along. All of sudden I feel this guy put his hands on either side of my hips and he starts thrusting. No joke. It was like awkward stand up doggy style, except I was standing straight up. At first this caught me by surprise and I thought it would just be passing phase for the chorus of the song. Nope. Two straight songs. Halfway through the first I was just amused so I wanted to see how long this champ was gonna go before he realized how worthless it was. Honestly, it was probably best that it was from behind because seriously my face must have been worth a thousand words. The boredom and annoyance was written ALL over my face. At least he was on beat though.
Seriously though, that's your best move? Which of your homeboys told you that golden move? Was everyone gathered at your house the other week and someone just came in and said "Yo, I discovered this new move at the dance floor where you seriously just bounce off a girl's ass all night! The chicks totally dig it!" I don't know, do guys talk about dance moves like that?
So...guys. If you really, and I mean really want to show a girl what you are capable of in the bedroom whether you can dance or not, don't thrust her until she walks away annoyed. The key...caress her. Put your hands on her hips, around her waist, up and down her arms, anywhere she gives you permission (don't get too nasty though...unless she says Miss Jackson if you're nasty!). This move seriously shows the lady you are into her. That you find her absolutely too irresistible that you can't even keep your hands off of her for two seconds. This will then convey to the woman your attentiveness...in the bedroom. Also, turn the girl around, have her face you. Stare into her eyes while you rove your hands around her and shake to the beat. Ahhhh you got her good now! And the next morning when you wake up groggy at her apartment smiling, send me a thank you note.
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