The Race to I Love Yous...and yes I made yous a word.

A friend of mine sent me this article on CNN a few weeks back, and I've been meaning to write my two cents about it, since I always feel my two cents should be given so much thought in regards to articles such as these.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/26/tf.women.say.love.you/index.html?iref=newssearch

Basically, the article is written by this "feminist" and yes the words are in quotes because apparently she's dealing with cognitive dissonance as well in this article. Her premise is that women should always let a man say those three little words, 'I Love You' first. Her logical argument is that it takes men longer to get to that love realm than it does for women. Imagine women you being in the EZpass lane, and guys are in the Cash Only lane. Therefore, she tells women to repress their feelings, hang back a bit and wait for the guy to come rolling in at 90 mph and catch up to you while you are doing the legal 65 mph.

As I read through the article I kept thinking well I sorta kinda agree with her and I sort of kinda really disagree with her. Even as little girls our mothers always gave us this impression that we are emotionally leagues above and beyond our male counterparts. We're told that little boys are not quite sure how to express that they like us, so they pick on us, pull our hair, call us names and push us. Our mothers just reassure that it's their way of telling girls how they like us while we come home crying from the mental and physical torture. (Oh I'm sure this will be another idea for another blog post by the way). Even in adolescence and into college we're continually taught that men are STILL behind us. That in high school we need to be the "adult" in our relationship and calm down those silly sexual urges our high school boyfriends are feeling all because we're the more mentally mature of the duo. Then we go to college where men who are old enough to die for our country revert back to mental aptitudes of teenagers once they discover their inch of freedom from the parental units. There once again our mothers are calming us on the phone when we burst into tears after our boyfriend hooked up with your sorority sister at last night's kegger. Mom once again throws out the "honey, don't worry, he's just not mature enough yet...just give him some time."

So....my question is when in the hell do the guys catch up?! And better question, women, why do we keep stalling our lives in efforts for them to get with the program?

I think it's absolutely ludicrous to walk through life with the mentality that you need to constantly "wait" on someone, or liberally make excuses for why they are not at the point you are at. Everyone is always afraid to make the huge leap and say "I love you" first. And the reason being is that honestly, I believe men and women have different visions of those three words. As I grow older and wiser I believe that the words I love you have slowly become a very convoluted statement that at times can mean everything and nothing in one breathe. Some people say it as endearment, others say it to get something the want, and others say it like it's a daily habit like brushing your teeth. (If you don't brush your teeth, then maybe that's a bad analogy...)

Regardless, why have we wrapped so much up into these three words? Of all of the words in the English language, these three words should be one of those unconscious statements that just blurts out of your mouth simply because you say it when you FEEL it. I also believe that if you care for someone, there should be no bounds on telling them how you feel in your heart. But, I do agree with one line in the article "only say those words if you're prepared to let him go". That, unfortunately happens. And it happens because of all of those associations that string along with those words. I love you tends to roll deep with this posse of groupies that tend to send screaming images of death into males psyches like kids, marriage, family, commitment, etc.

So maybe the key is in the preparedness. Good relationships always exist on good, open communication, so why hold something back like telling that person how much they mean to you in your head? It makes no real good common sense. Prepare yourself to understand that you do not need to hear those reciprocal words. The fact is that you are feeling a love for someone, a deep caring, a passion for their utter amazing-ness and you just want them to know that they are loved and appreciated by you. If you hear those words reciprocated, great. But if not, wouldn't you rather wait to hear those words from that person in the moment that they feel that too? Sometimes those words can knock you off your feet, and you know when someone is just saying it just to say it. Just pay attention to the feeling in you when you hear those words. If you don't feel that nice little warming sensation in your chest, it either isn't said with the right meaning, or you just don't feel the same. Either way, stop repressing things. Moments are meant to be moments. They pass us by too quickly and too often to let them go without expressing to someone the way we feel.

Feminist or not, we all are human and as humans it is natural to care, respect, value and cherish other humans, particularly ones that touch our lives. Trust me, you will regret not saying I love you more than you will regret saying you do love someone.