Why are you single?...and other great questions

Apparently there are only a few pressing questions that cross a man's mind when they are asking someone for a date. Right up there with 'what's your favorite color?' and 'Do you like the Yankees or the Mets?' comes the question, "So, why are you single?"

Ok, let me take a deep breath before I vent on this one, because even seeing the question gets my agitated side going. And...exhale.

Normally when I see that question some smart answer comes into my head. However, I find it hard to be completely bitchy to someone I don't particular know. (Oh who am I kidding...that's never stopped me.) Hence the blank stares and wide eyes when I provide these gentlemen with a less than anticipated response to their question.

I'm sure more polite women would say some sugar-coated answer like "Oh, I just haven't found the right man for me" (when she knows full well she met a good man before, she just blew it with him) or "I just got out of a bad relationship and just started dating" (lies...you've been dating for years now, and a bad date last week doesn't count as your last 'bad relationship'). Either way, women tend to skirt around this question more than they do the 'how much do you weigh' question. Either way, this, much like the weight question forces women to examine and critique their favorite person in the whole world...themselves!

Hopefully men don't realize what they are doing when they ask this question (if they do, then shame on us for playing!). Simply because women will rarely, if ever, put the blame on themselves. Displacing blame is our favorite activity in the world, because it makes us look shiny and beautiful since we never have to take the full brunt of the dents in life. Therefore, the reason we are single, is never, and I mean never, our fault. It's always the wrong man, the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong circumstance and ultimately the wrong universe that caused our unfortunate single-hood. Got it? Ok, now that you are forewarned to not believe any of the reasons I may give simply because of my gender's flaw of never admitting when we're wrong, you can't say I didn't tell you so.

However...bottomline is this. Why am I single? Honestly, if I knew that answer, I probably wouldn't be single now would I? If I knew every trick at being fabulous and knew where all of the fabulous, absolutely one-of-a-kind, perfect for me in all ways man was, then I wouldn't be single. Unfortunately I am not a deity. (Go ahead, breathe a sigh of relief. I just did too). Therefore, the answer "I don't know." is absolutely sufficient. Because reality is, as women we DON'T know! This is probably one of the only things we don't know by the way, just so we're clear on that one. And the reason why we don't know is mainly because a lot of us women don't even really know what we want from a man.

Now men, that doesn't mean we don't have ideas of what we want. We do. Trust me, most women have their wedding day planned, if that doesn't show you what kind of ideas we have then I don't know what will. Either way, the fact is, as women many of us grew up with this sensationalized version of what falling in love and being in a long committed relationship truly is. You'd think though after women have been in at least one long term relationship they would realize that the butterflies and weak in your knees feeling coupled with this yearning and longing for another person is not ideal. Yes, it happens and yes it's re-kindled from here to there. But for the most part, any good long term relationship is about comfort. The comfort that someone can provide simply by being themselves and being near you. As much as I would like to believe that love is equivalent to passion, in some moments it is. But the giant overaching theme to love, real love, as I have learned is summed up in this quote (which sadly enough I read on a picture frame being sold at Kohl's the other day...)

"To love someone is to learn the song that is in that person's heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten."

You can't get a better explanation that that. Simply it's that person that reminds you of who you are and what you can become in life. So men, instead of asking a woman why she hasn't found the person that has learned her song, take a bold step. Ask her what the first note of that song is.