Stalking Made Easy...Thanks Facebook!

I realize that as a competitive person I tend to view a lot of things in my life as a competition in which there is a distinct line of winners and losers. Maybe it’s the inner tomboy in me, or the ridiculous Type A personality I managed to pull out my parents, but for some reason I get pretty emotionally involved when competition exists. I’m fairly stubborn like that, so I tend to enjoy the whole my way or the highway viewpoint on a lot of things. God forbid you ever disagree with me right? I think I’ve been better about this over the years, but there’s always that direct satiation that occurs whenever my competitive spirit reigns supreme in situations.

Since I’m on a big of a stint writing about breakups (since apparently writing about my awful dating experiences are not that interesting anymore..LIE! It’s always interesting…I just needed a change of pace to keep it fresh), I’ll follow this competitive line to breakups. Everyone knows that breakups are hard, painful and overall ridiculously unbearable if you really cared for the person. But what hurts the most is when all of a sudden you start to feel like you’re semi-over everything and you’re being a complete logical adult once again and can functionally survive around other human beings when all of a sudden you hear the dreaded rumor circulating that guess what? Your ex has a new love.

Back in the day you usually could politely avoid such news by moving to a different county, going to a new college, finding a new job, etc. But with the fabulous technologies of Facebook and Myspace everyone knows your business even before you know your business. Before you have time to marinate on that information, Insensitive Friend #1 from college sends you a wall post of “Hey, remember that guy that broke your heart and tore it into pieces? Well he found someone to love you before you found someone! How crazy is that?” Nothing like being outpaced on your social life by technology. That’s why I hate the whole naming your significant other in your Facebook profile. It’s like welcoming ex’s to stalk your new beginnings. I remember when my ex and I broke up and thinking that the hardest thing to do about the breakup was “Cancelling” our relationship status on Facebook. Cause that’s when all of the half assed sympathetic messages come through from people you haven’t spoken to since you got drunk with them at the last college frat party you went to back in 2004. And let’s be honest…most of these people don’t care to express their sympathies, they just want to know the gossip behind what happened. (True friends would pick up the phone and make sure you aren’t living on saltines and burritos and watching bridal shows over and over again). Gossipy friends will say “OMG! What happened?? I’m so so sorry!” and then they filter your private info to old classmates faster than news that Kim Kardashian has a new sex tape.

And, much like most breakups in today’s modern social networking world you subconsciously have developed this stalker instinct. Notice how neither one of you was brave enough to completely delete the other person’s profile. If one of you did, thank your lucky stars. But more often than not you cancel your relationship yet keep them as your friend simply to keep tabs on what they’re doing. So you sit there obsessively checking their status to see if they left some sort of passive aggressive message about you and your breakup, or if they’re in as much misery as you are, or if they’ve moved on to someone new…

Myspace is definitely trickier in that they did not stoop as low as Facebook did in terms of broadcasting your relationship status for the world to see. Instead of physically naming the person in the relationship, Myspace just asks if you’re in a relationship or not. However…Myspace plays a dirty popularity game called your Top 8, 16, 24 whatever multiple of 8 you can figure. So therein lies the mystery. Why is he/she on your top 8? Who’s that new mystery girl/guy? It’s more of a blurred line, which inevitably probably makes you crazier than the definitive Facebook application simply because of the unknowns.

Damn social networking technology. It’s like your entire life is out there for anyone to dissect and examine. But, that’s the move of our generation. I think so many are quick to pour their souls on their status message or *ahem* on a blog because we have just forgotten how to express those feelings face to face with someone. Therefore, instead of directly speaking out our problems, we suppress them through technologies that artificially talk back to us in hopes that it will relieve us of our problems, when in reality is only enhances them.

You’d think we would learn something from movie stars and famous folks who try to keep their personal lives separate from the public eye…but nooooo all of us have inner rockstars in us and we want everyone to fawn over our every move so we blast it all over every social technology we can get our hand on in hopes that someone will empathize our painful woes. It’s a sad voyeuristic world.

It’s utterly depressing to think of explaining technologies like Facebook and Myspace to my future children. I hope they’ll be abolished by then simply because I think it socially stunts every single teenager in this country. Before we know it no one will be speaking face to face but only through technology. Oh, I sound so George Orwellian now. Forgive me, but it’s time to update my Facebook status and change my mood on Myspace…POKE!