Stop looking and it will come?

Yes the question mark is there to mark my skepticism. I cannot even count on my two hands and two feet how many people have just told me the sage wisdom of "Don't look for it, let it come to you." Bleh. That was me vomiting.

Is it really true that magically if you just obliterate the idea of finding a happy settled down life with an incredible handsome, charming and painstakingly romantic and strong man, that he'll just come rolling into your life or spot you across the platform at the subway station and fall madly in love with you? Ok, so maybe that's hyper-idealized, but you get the point.

Now I'm not one to question fate, because it has worked it's strange magic in my life. (If you know the odd story of how my ex and I met, then you will agree). But, maybe the Northeast mentality or the hardening of my skin based on experiences with men/people in general have caused me to develop this skeptical relationship with fate. Is it all it's cracked up to be?

Therefore, I'm beginning to realize that only part of that statement is true. Yes, when you stop looking things do suddenly appear. However, it does not mean you ever stop thinking about it, or imagining it or desiring it. I even had one friend who said "Kassandra, stop 'hoping' for it. Let it be." Why should I not hope for something so amazing in my life? Hope is the faith that better things will happen. So dammit I'm going to hope all I want. (I'm sure you've realized I'm stubborn by now).

So, my compromise is this. I will stop looking in the sense that I'm not going to put up a thousand online profiles about how fabulous I am and what I want in a man and telling men whether or not I think they fit that criteria. So in that sense, I'm retiring. I think the shopping aisle mentality of searching through men like they were trading cards is too exhausting for me. However, I am going to hope beyond hope that something rolls my way.

Instead of looking to other people to "find" something maybe the key to finding someone is to know and find who you yourself is as a person. Yes I know this is not "new" news. I've read it in plenty of self-help books and heard it from many friends and family. The whole "You can't be good enough for someone else if you're not good enough for you." Blah, blah, blah. I get it. However, I think it's not really a matter of being good enough, but rather the amazing confidence and happiness you find when you realize who the real you is. The person who wakes up with stinky breath and goes through about 10 outfits before she finds one that looks "just right". All your neurotic tendencies and fascinating charms and accepting them, whole-heartedly. That, I think is the key to finding someone.

When people know who they are, it is magnified to people. People really are inspired by others who are comfortable in their own skin, no matter how flawed or damaged that skin may be. And the best part of being comfortable with yourself is that when you find someone walks into your life while you are being you...then you know 100% that they fell in love with guess what?...YOU!