Circle of Exes (aka Circle of Insecurity)

So today was an interesting day. I was actually for I believe the first time in my life, "dis-invited" to a birthday party. Now as many of you know, I am THE life of the party, so my sudden dismissal from a party setting probably completely ruined the evening for this person I'm sure. (Yes, I'm patting my own back here...it's rough on my ego being disinvited/stood up anywhere/anytime). Ok, so the reason being that I was uninvited (or at least told it wouldn't be the "best" idea for me to come minus a male escort) was because this friend of mine and I went on a few dates about a year and a half ago, and his new live-in girlfriend who is truly and honestly is heads over heels in love with is not comfy with my presence. (Which is why I haven't even SEEN this said person since they started dating).

I totally get the fact, and or point, that this girl is making. I mean it's never a good situation being in a room with someone that your current partner has been involved with, no matter how big or small. Trust me, I've been on that end too, and it's almost equivalent to hearing fingernails run over a chalkboard. But this is the first time I've been on the other end of that stick. Being the "other woman" so to speak. Now it's very clear that this friend and I are truly only friends. Even when we stopped dating, I tried to set him up with some of my other friends in the area. But obviously that's not much of the point here.

I guess my main pull-away from this one is a few things. First off, I apparently need to broaden my circle of friends. I have learned that there are a lot of people/friends, obviously guy friends in my life that I have had some sort of brief history with that transpired into friendships. I know that once I get into another serious relationship (i.e. whenever Hell freezes over apparently) is going to be a moment where some of those relationships will inevitably end. I'm not sure if I'm completely prepared for that, and maybe that's why I cling to those friendships and somewhat sabotage nearly every dating experience I have. (God that's depressing to think...I hope I'm wrong on that one).

The second issue in this is the many insecurities that each and every one of us carries from one relationship to the next. Ladies and gentlemen, it is perfectly fine to be cautious, to have a bit of a guard up, and to take things slowly. But don't ever let the person you are with pay for the mistakes that someone else put in your life. I've learned this the hard ways over the years. But leave issues with another person in a past. All you can do is walk into relationships with an open heart, an open spirit and an open love. Over the years, it always seems that the moment my heart is open is the moment love walks in. Sometimes all we need to do is open up the circle...

Random Absence

Wow...so I just realized I haven't posted on here in well, awhile. My sincerest apologies to you few stalkers that notoriously peruse my blog :) (By the way, no idea if I have stalkers or not, I just thought it would give my blog a bit more credibility if I said I did).

So I feel like I've been going through an extremely dry spell. Maybe it's the weather change and hormones are packing up for the winter, so the prowl of single men in NYC is coming to a standstill. Or, it could be the abysmal economy and men are too broke to take a girl on a date (I know I make daily decisions between my bus pass and groceries). Or an even more frightening possibility is that I've dated every eligible, tolerably creepy man the tri-state area has to offer. (God I hope not, because then this blog will get VERY boring).

My true and honest opinion though is the dry spell is more my fault than anything. I noticed I'm becoming continually bored with online dating. I'm sure the guys sending me 3 paragraph mini-novelas about their lives are truly fascinating, but I can't help but roll my eyes at the repetitve questions. I mean hell, even the profile pictures are strarting to blend into one bad collage of typical online photographs. (Oh, you know what I'm talking about too...you know the "Here's me without a shirt on" or the "Look at my adorable puppy picture" or "Hey, see I really do have friends! Picture") I'm becoming bored...and I hate that. If you know me, you know that boredom leaves me with idle time, which means I become dangerously unproductive and unamusing.

Hopefully things will pick up here soon...Christmas is coming, so maybe Santa will give me a nice gift in the male form.

Oh! I almost forgot that I did learn something in my brief sabbatical. Over the summer I did a belated spring cleaning of sorts on my phone. Basically I tossed out any number deemed irrelevant to my life. (Namely men I've been on bad dates with). So then of course I realized that men really do think women play "hard to get" and that my ignoring them totally means that I want to sleep with them. Therefore, I start getting all of these texts from numbers that are no longer conveniently labeled in my phone. So, of course being the brilliant woman that I am, I will text back "Who's this?" and typical response is "Oh hey it's (insert bad date's name). We went on a date and then you never called me." Sounds like a rhetorical response should have been rendered upon them sending the text. But nope...the ignoring cycle viciously whipped back around. However, I did learn to store the "really crazy" bad dates name in the phone simply so I could screen the texts/phone calls and not make the mistake of giving them a legit reply.

Bring on the dates!